Sunday, January 8, 2006

Off-Kilter

Do you ever have those days when you aren't sure just exactly who you are? You are Baby's Mommy and Husband's Wife, but somehow that doesn't seem like it is enough or right or comfortable.

With the start of the new year, I guess that I've been a little more introspective. The subject has been on mind very often. Who am I? What do I really accomplish with my life? Am I really doing the things that I want to be doing? I don't know for sure.

I really love being a mom, and the fact that I get to stay home and be a mom is amazing to me. But sometimes we have these moments when everything seems to be going wrong and I'm overly cross and sniping, and I wonder if I really should be a mom. That maybe I'm just not cut out for the isolation and monotony. I wonder what kind of damage am I doing to my child because I'm never in a good mood and I always feel over-worked and over-stressed. I'm just rarely the nice, kind, quiet person that I want to be, anymore. What happens to my ideals and goals when I'm wiping up spilled juice for the third time that day, while my two-year old climbs the bookshelf with scissors in her hand and all I want to do is go somewhere to be alone and scream and it's only 11:00 AM?

I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggles with these sort of feelings but somehow, it feels like I am. Most of my days feel like one, long, lonely repetition of the day before. My life just feels off-kilter.

4 comments:

Hannah Im said...

Sure, I have those days very frequently. Sometimes every day. And I've decided that it needs to change for me, so my Dh and I are looking at a daycare within walking distance from our house, just for a couple hours per day. That choice isn't for everyone, of course, but I think it will be good for us. We live in Korea and i have no family and hardly any friends at all. I literally go through entire weeks/months without really talking to another person except my DH, and even he is to tired to talk much.

So, see, you're not alone! God bless.

Christi said...

You perfectly described my feelings. Perfectly.

The Happy Housewife said...

It doesn't matter where we live our experiences are fundamentally the same! Housewives the world over will identify with how you are feeling - you are most definitely not alone!

ms*robyn said...

oh! I just blogged about this today, before I even found your blog. seems it is world wide. this who am I ?? question