Friday, February 11, 2005

How???

I can't sleep tonight. I've been crying. I made the mistake of reading through a few news stories before going to bed, something I rarely do. I came across the story of the one hour old baby boy that was tossed from the window of a moving car in Florida today. I'm haunted. How could anyone do this? I can not fathom the idea that precious human life is so worthless to some people. The eyewitness said she saw a man and a woman fighting in the front seat, the window rolled down and the woman tossed a plastic bag, containing the healthy, full-term, baby boy about four feet where it landed on the grass, and then the car sped away. The woman took the baby to the sheriff's office, and they rushed him to the hospital. He has been upgraded from critical to serious condition as of tonight. The baby was over eight pounds, and still had the umbilical cord attached. They say he was around an hour old when he was dumped. The whole scene keeps running through my mind.

Stories like this, where parents can just throw away the life of their children, give me nightmares for weeks. My husband and I had a lot of trouble conceiving a child. It's not exactly a secret among our friends and family, but we don't discuss it much. It took us almost three years to get pregnant with our little Peanut, and during that time, I had many crises of faith. I would sit up nights, questioning God, wondering why he would give children to people like the ones in the story above, and not bless us with the child that I wanted so desperately. Could I really be so bad a potential mother that baby-killing women would do a better job than me? Truthfully, I learned the hard way some very important lessons about trusting in God's perfect timing, and not without a lot of questioning, ordering, and trying to make deals. It was a very dark time for me, when it seemed that everyone else was having the babies that I could not have.

God truly knows best though. Now that I am on the other side of the trial, I see that the timing just wasn't right before. I look back at all of the events that were being set in motion during that dark time, and I see how much harder things would have been for us, had I conceived when I wanted to. It has really opened my eyes about trusting in God to know what is best for me, and trying to seek his will in situations and not my own. That's not to say that I don't sometimes fall back into ordering and cajoling God to give me my own way, but I am a work in progress, just like everyone else.

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It never ceases to amaze me, how I can sit down to this blog, with a topic in mind, knowing full well what I want to write about, and the Holy Spirit will lead my thoughts in the direction that answers what is ACTUALLY on my mind. I know in my heart that God has that little boy in his hands, and God has plans to use him and his story to work some part of the plan for those of us here on Earth. I think I may be able to sleep now. God bless you, anonymous little boy in Florida, and God bless all of those little children out there who have no one but Himself to protect and comfort them. And God bless all of you who read my blog.

1 comment:

alexandrunner said...

God answered your prayer, you know.

He protected that little boy.

Maybe He even changed the past so that it never happened.

Whoa...I don't know if He does that, but anyway He did what you asked for: the boy is safe.