Hacking My Way Through the Jungles of Turkeydom

Due to the fact that I still have both of my parents, as does my husband, and therefore always have somewhere to go on the holidays, I have never in my short life personally roasted a turkey. I've roasted chickens, Cornish game hens, ham, beef, but never a whole turkey. We received a turkey fryer from all of our friends at our campground as a wedding present, so it usually falls to my husband to cook a turkey whenever we decide to indulge in one at any other time of year besides the holidays. (sidenote: if you have never had deep fried turkey, drop everything that you are doing and run to the nearest friend that has an outdoor fryer. It is nothing like fried chicken. It is not greasy at all, and it is the juiciest turkey that you will ever eat.)

Well, my husband's company gives all of it's employees a turkey every year for Christmas, and we usually share them around with someone else who needs a little more food than we do. But this year, we couldn't find any takers, so I chucked it in the freeze for some later date. When I made up the menu for this week, I remembered the turkey in the freezer, and thought that it would be wonderful for Sunday dinner and that we would have leftovers all week. So I thawed it out and made my plans for exactly how to roast it, what seasonings and veggies to use, and whatnot. I got everything out and started today when my first problem arose. I don't own a single pan large enough to roast a turkey!

I'm not a gourmet chef, but neither am I a slump in the kitchen and I own quite a bit of cookware, specialized and general use. I can not find one single thing to put in my oven that will hold a turkey. I even entertained thoughts of using the huge pot that I use for canning jams and jellies, but had to reject it because I felt that the sides were too thin and they wouldn't hold up to four hours in the oven. So now I am down to the crock pot.

I have two crock pots but neither of them were quite adequate to the task. As it stands, I have it in my oblong crock, with a little chicken stock and some salt and pepper, there wasn't even room for some onions or celery! The poor thing is pretzeled up like it is trying to win a Twister tourney and the lid isn't quite all the way down. I'm hoping that he will cook down a little before I go to bed and let the lid settle down enough to seal. It definitely is not going to be a feast for the eyes, but hopefully it will at least be edible! And let me just say that if you are feeling down and need something to make you laugh, watch a woman try to wrestle an eleven pound turkey into a six quart crock pot; you will be rolling on the floor in no time!